I am feeling so sad today...I thought if I just sat here and wrote down some of my thoughts...I might be able to make some sense of it all. Why won't mom call me by name? I know alot of people will say..."if you had been here as much as Ann and Larry, she would know you too" I know in my heart that is true, but I know that she and I have had a great relationship. I tried to come here every 6-8 weeks for the past 6 years and we had some wonderful visits. Before that, I feel like I had some great times with her because when we would see each other it would be for a week or more at the time. Whether she was in our home or we were visiting here...we had some great times together. We shopped all over Dallas, she swam in our pool in Florida, camped with us in the Colorado Rockies, drove to Kentucky to see us, stayed with us in a condo on McCall Lake in Idaho...just to name a few. When she was just calling for Miss Annie...I was ok. But now, she has begun to call for Ann and Larry too....and it is really hurting me...I want to hear her call Gail, Gail... so bad! I know that sounds so self centered and I am sorry...but to be here with her 24-7 and not have her know who I am...it is hard. So...pray for me to keep my prioities straight! I don't have time to worry about trivial things...and you know what!?? this is a trivial thing...writing this has helped...and I am going to try to get over it!!!
When I am feeling overwhelmed, I think about the two year missions our boys served. They put their own feelings and needs aside for two years and just served the needs of those around them. I am sure it was so hard at times...and at times, they wanted to give up...but they kept working....taking one day at the time... I am getting a little taste of that...and I am not going to give up either! As muc as I miss my family out west...I would not want to be anywhere else....so please forgive me for the pity party!!
I stayed up with mom on Thursday night and she did not sleep all night again. I love that time with her. I lay in the bed next to her and she just will not go to sleep...she just calls out all night long...much the same as I shared a few blogs ago. I sing songs to her...which is fun...but the other night she got real loud and said" Give me a big hug!" It was so loud that I thought she was going to fuss me out...until I heard the word hug! I jumped out of bed...and we just hugged! It was worth a sleepless night just for that!
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